Hey. I'm Alyssa.
I have an odd sense of humor.
I'm a baton twirler and play flute. If you ever want to talk, I'm here. I hope you have a nice day :)

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Anonymous asked: What's the most illegal thing you ever did?

sephyerite:

almanzapedia:

At Stanford there was this Professor who was a total bitch and she taught British Literature, which was cool. Except she taught only her opinions of the books and it didn’t help me as a writer. I went to school to learn new things to improve my craft, not have someone else’s opinions carved onto my forehead.

So anyway, for our final project, she asked us to write a ten page paper on why the color symbolism in Othello was so significant. I did some research and it turned out that she did her entire graduate thesis on this very subject. I was mad. This wasn’t teaching, this was boosting her ego. SO I wrote a ten page essay on why color symbolism in Othello wasn’t significant, satirizing it to the point of no return, saying that her opinion was an opinion and shouldn’t be taken seriously.

SHe failed me, needless to say. So in retaliation, I responded by baking a batch of brownies laced with weed and laxatives and delivered them myself to the professor hours before her big graduation speech. I told her that it was a peace offering, my way of apologizing and asking if I could do anything to fix my grade.

She refused to fix my grade.

In the end, she shit herself on stage.

I didn’t regret it.

No mercy.

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mostly-perfect:

So one time my dad bought a skeleton for Halloween, and one day he decided to place it in the kitchen to scare me and it went too far…
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nonbinaryteddy:

every year the marauders probably sat in the same spot on the hogwarts express, from when they were little bitty eleven-year-olds to the last time they rode away from the place where they found home and family, practicing silly spells and trading chocolate frog cards and planning the year’s pranks or the summer’s gatherings 

and when remus rode to hogwarts to teach, he probably sat in that same spot and thought that the silence was louder than four teenage boys ever were. 

(via laminatedcullendick)

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freshest-tittymilk:

portraits-of-america:

     “I got both of them from local shelters. When I got her in 2006, the staff told me she was a shepherd husky. I go to the dog park, I’m meeting people with shepherd husky mixes, and they look nothing like her. I get in my car, I’m driving, I look in the rearview mirror, I see these eyes and I’m like, I’ve got a wolf in my car. Then, when she was 10-months old, there was a shepherd breeder and trainer in the dog park, and at the end of the lesson, the trainer came up to me and asked, ‘What kind of dog is that?’ And I’m thinking, Shepherd husky. You should know, you are a breeder. She said, ‘That’s a wolf.’”  
Bethlehem, PA
 

Thats mildly hilarious
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iamtallandthin:

iamtallandthin:

iamtallandthin:

iamtallandthin:

there is a car called the wiener mobile right outside my car righ thits second

please look at htis i’m going to get a picture with it righ tnow

image

thsi is the best day of my life

image

image

this is the best day of my life

(via four-years-to-remember)

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your-lies-ruin-lives:

abaldwin360:

You have to love how much misinformation the pro-life movement spreads.

THIS IS THE IMAGE I WAS LOOKING FOR RECENTLY THANK YOU!
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thecommonraven:

sassysinglelady:



  compliments don’t get people killed. 
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heliosdayspring:

me: *looks at ocs i made 4 years ago*

me: we can rebuild them. we have the technology

(via mrpinstripesuit)

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purenoise:

in case you didnt know

  • girls can be polite without being flirty
  • dont mistake politeness for being into you
  • girls can be nice without wanting the d
  • ya feel

(Source: torixgrace, via stopitcalum)

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jungwildeandfree:

thisismedisappearing:

I stubbed my toe and naturally I screamed “mOTHERFUCKER” and then my dad poked his head out of the livingroom and said “you rang?”

hats off for the ultimate dad joke

(via the-sarahjane-adventures)

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mangowho:

barrowmans:

omfg so today I saw a man and a woman holding hands in public, i mean i don’t have anything against heterosexuality but don’t flaunt it in front of me, think of the kids omfg

I don’t have anything against it either. I really don’t. My best friend is straight, but like, keep it in the bedroom you know?

(Source: oncebarrowmans, via the-sarahjane-adventures)

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mamalaz:

Behind the Scenes of Guardians of the Galaxy
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nowyoukno:

Remember IT IS NOT A WOMAN’S RESPONSIBILITY TO PREVENT RAPE. In the world we live in, however, women should be empowered with any tools in order to protect themselves. Source for more facts follow NowYouKno
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behindbobsburgers:

Feminism In A Run-Down Taffy Factory: The Women Of Bob’s Burgers | NPR
"I’m no hero," Tina declares in season three. "I put my bra on one boob at a time like everyone else." But for many, Tina does represent a new kind of hero. She weathers the anxieties of adolescence while gently testing the waters of her confidence. Tina might not be great at public speaking, but her message is clear: embrace your weirdness. Embrace your Tina.